Jayson,
My sweet little man, it has been so long since I have seen you. I miss you dearly. I haven't had a chance to write lately, or I have just been so depressed that I couldn't write.
I saw some pictures of you at pre-school. You looked broken, you did not look like the lively little boy that I knew. You looked so sad. I hope that your not sad, I hope that you still remember me.
I had a little hope that I would get to see you at the career fair at the school. I was there for Tyler. They had a police dog there, I was hoping you would get to see it. You love dogs and cats so much.
They let the 4 year old class come through and see the police dog, but your mother kept you from coming that day. She would not allow you to see the dog because I was in the gym for career day.
I was not going to bother you, I was only going to tell you that I loved you. I am so sorry that you didn't get to see the puppy dog because of me.
I miss you so much J-man that it hurts. I pray every night for you. I pray that you are safe and that you will know that I love you.
Mimi and I wrote your Mommy a letter this week. Maybe she will get it and it will soften her heart. Maybe it will be better soon. Maybe God will allow me to see you soon.
I found a new swing-set/play house that I want to get for you. I would love to have you help me build it.
Jayson, I love you so much, please don't ever forget that. You are my best little friend.
Love you to the moon and back,
Poppa.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Rough week...
This week to work has been a rough one. The ED has been very busy with sick patients and we have had no ICU beds. So all the ICU patients are being held in the ED. Makes for a miserable week.
And at the start of the week a coworkers sister, who is also a nurse, was stabbed to death in her apartment in Nashville. She was an ICU nurse at St Thomas and her twin worked with us here. She and her sister both had been my students during their preceptor-ship in nursing school. That was very hard to swallow and touched all of us deeply.
Toward the end of the week, we get a trauma alert for a roll over MVC coming in. It was one of our nightshift nurses. He had rolled his car on the way to work and suffered some major injuries. He is now intubated with chest tubes and in the ICU here. He refused to be flown from the scene, he wanted his 'peeps' to take care of him. He is a great guy and wonderful nurse. We are praying for a speedy recovery.
So putting things into perspective. My home life and my family are destroyed and in turmoil. Life has not been the same since Nov 2016. We have not seen our grandchildren and our daughters have not spoken to us. What if something were to happen to me or my wife? What if we were to tragically pass or be injured in an accident?
Would our children care? Would are grandchildren be told that we did love them? Would they be told the truth that their parents refused to let us see them? Would they know the truth that we loved them and missed them dearly? Would anyone even care if we were gone?
My heart aches right now. I miss my children and my grandchildren so much, I cannot bear much more.
I took the trash out the other night and passed the swing that Jayson and I built ourselves on the oak tree in the side yard. He loved it so much. He had helped me build it and loved to swing in it. He would let me push him for hours in it.
I just sat down in the swing, in the middle of the dark, and just cried. I don't know what else to do.
Poppa loves you to the moon and back and I miss you greatly.
And at the start of the week a coworkers sister, who is also a nurse, was stabbed to death in her apartment in Nashville. She was an ICU nurse at St Thomas and her twin worked with us here. She and her sister both had been my students during their preceptor-ship in nursing school. That was very hard to swallow and touched all of us deeply.
Toward the end of the week, we get a trauma alert for a roll over MVC coming in. It was one of our nightshift nurses. He had rolled his car on the way to work and suffered some major injuries. He is now intubated with chest tubes and in the ICU here. He refused to be flown from the scene, he wanted his 'peeps' to take care of him. He is a great guy and wonderful nurse. We are praying for a speedy recovery.
So putting things into perspective. My home life and my family are destroyed and in turmoil. Life has not been the same since Nov 2016. We have not seen our grandchildren and our daughters have not spoken to us. What if something were to happen to me or my wife? What if we were to tragically pass or be injured in an accident?
Would our children care? Would are grandchildren be told that we did love them? Would they be told the truth that their parents refused to let us see them? Would they know the truth that we loved them and missed them dearly? Would anyone even care if we were gone?
My heart aches right now. I miss my children and my grandchildren so much, I cannot bear much more.
I took the trash out the other night and passed the swing that Jayson and I built ourselves on the oak tree in the side yard. He loved it so much. He had helped me build it and loved to swing in it. He would let me push him for hours in it.
I just sat down in the swing, in the middle of the dark, and just cried. I don't know what else to do.
Poppa loves you to the moon and back and I miss you greatly.
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