Two scraps of paper...

Today I came home after working and going to a meeting at work. I had been suspended at work and was having to provide a corrective action plan. That plan was prayed over and researched and prepared for by God's hands. I would have never been able to do it myself.

God showed up BIG in my meeting. He softened the hearts of my director and the HR director. I revealed to them that I was a sinner and had demons of my own to overcome, but with God's help I would be able to do so. I was very transparent and told them all I had done in my past and how tragic that 2016 had been for me. God showed up, He allowed me to return to work and continue being an ED nurse. Thank you Lord!

But I come home, and Mimi is sitting on the couch...weeping!! She is crying uncontrollably. I can't get her to stop or even tell me what is wrong. In her hands is a sandwich bag, in that bag was two small pieces of scrap paper that had been written on in pencil.

She tells me that Jayson had made those and gave them to Tyler when he was getting his hair cut. He told Tyler that he made them for Mimi and Poppa and to give them to us.

My God is so good!! You cannot imagine what two small pieces of scrap paper did for us. My J-man has not forgotten Mimi and Poppa. He still loves us and made us a small token of his love. My heart was warmed and overwhelmed, as was Mimi's.

God worked through that little 4 year old boy to let me know that not only does Jayson still love me, but God still loves me too and He is working in the background.

Thank you Lord, and thank you Jayson for making Mimi and Poppa such a special gift. We have put them on the fridge so we can see them everyday.

We love you to the moon and back!!
Poppa

Mimi's birthday...

Yesterday was Mimi's birthday. My only wish was that I could get Heather and Todd to let us see the boys for her birthday.

I asked Tyler to contact Heather and see if she would let them come. But she argued and finally got made at Tyler and refused to let them come see Mimi. It was very frustrating.

So at a final attempt I made a plea to Todd to see if he would just let us see the boys for 10-15 mins. He never even responded to my request.

Then I had planned on having everyone from work to meet us at Sam's for dinner. But with everything that has gone in at work I felt it was better to cancel it. Mimi and I took off for the three days of her birthday.

We have been looking for new jobs. It seems that ECM has gotten to us. They ask us to do more and more with so much less. And have huge unrealistic expectations.

I have missed the boys so much lately it is hard to explain. My heart aches for them and the at times I don't even notice. Have I not seen them in so long that my mind is starting to forget them? Have they forgotten me? I pray that they haven't forgotten me!

My walk with God since all this has started has gotten better. I have nothing to rely on now but Him!! I've have had to solely turn everything over to Him.

Jayson and William, please don't forget me! I love you to the moon and back!!

Poppa

Good day...

Today I had some work to do today. I had a pump and CGM training that I had to do early this morning. So Lucy and I woke up together and enjoyed the morning. She was drinking coffee and listening to her book when I left. She was happy and that makes me happy.

When I got home I expected her to still be in her PJs and drinking coffee, but to my surprise she was up, showered, dressed and had on my favorite camo leggings. She was making me breakfast and smiling and singing.

Then after eating we spontaneously decided to go to Decatur to the Academy Outdoors store. They were having a clearance sale and had the shirts I liked for $9 a piece.

We spent the afternoon in Decatur shopping and being goofy. We then went to Steak and Shake an enjoyed a good burger and a peanut butter chocolate shake together.

Now we are home just chilling!!! It's been a great day!!

Sent from my iPhone

Yesterday...

Yesterday was rough!!! Mimi and I went to church and tried to worship. We tried to get close to God, but it was so hard. It feels like there is a wall there. It feels like God isn't listening.

Saturday night I prayed and prayed. God gave me a vision that I should go and ask forgiveness from Todd. He put me on a front porch and Todd had on a green shirt. I struggled with this and I talked to Mimi about it. She told me that I should do whatever God told me too.

So with reluctance I did what God asked me to do. I drive to Todd and Heathers house alone. I had never been there before and I was scared.

I knocked on the front door. I heard Thaddeus bark and saw Todd come to the door. He had on a green shirt. I immediately started crying. God broke me. I told him I was sorry for my part in this whole big mess and I begged his forgiveness.

He told me he forgave me and then he hugged me. I cried for what seemed like forever. I finally told him again that I was sorry. I asked him to tell Heather, William and Jayson that I loved them very much. Then i turned and left.

I don't know what will happen now, but I trusted the Lord and did what he asked. It is in His hands now.

William and Jayson, I love you to the moon and back!!

Poppa

Tough day already...

It has been a tough weekend. This is normally the weekend we would keep the boys and go do something fun. They would spend the night, we would watch movies, makes pizza and chocolate chip cookies. Then we would cuddle up with our boys and fall to sleep.

On Saturday we would get up. Make breakfast and just be lazy until it was time for Williams game or for them to go home. Nothing fancy, just enjoy time with out grandsons.

That didn't happen this weekend. It has been so long since we have seen you guys. It is hard to explain how much we miss you.

Today Mimi woke up sad, she is missing you so bad. All she wants for her birthday this month is to be able and see you guys. I have asked Tyler to see if Heather will let us see you for her birthday but I haven't heard back.

Mimi is struggling, she fills like God is punishing her for some reason, that He hates her. I don't know how to make her happy anymore.

I miss you guys so much!
Love you to the moon and back!!
Poppa

Sent from my iPhone

Please don't forget me...

Today, I was driving to work and thinking about you. I was wondering if you still remember me or if you have forgotten me? It makes me sad to think that you may have forgotten me. I miss you so much, I ache for you.

My dearest Jayson, it makes me so sad to miss you this bad. I can't imagine what you must think. Has your Poppa abandoned you? Has your Poppa forgot you? Does your Poppa still love you?

No, I have not abandoned you, your mother will not allow me to see you.

I have not forgotten you, I think about you every day. I look at your photos and videos daily on my phone. You still make me smile. I can't imagine how big you have grown now; how intelligently you are carrying on a conversation now.

Yes, your Poppa still loves you!! I love you more than you will every imagine. I couldn't have imagined my life without you, but your mother took you away. I would give anything to have you back, I love you so much!! I love you to the moon and back.

Just was missing you this morning. I love you J-man!!

Poppa

Death...

As I enter the Emergency Room this morning, there is a hint of death in the air. Sometimes you can feel it and know that it's going to happen.

Then, the night shift charge nurse tells us that we will be getting a 72 year old female that they just resuscitated on the floor. We have no ICU beds, so she is coming to us.

They roll off the elevator and they are coding her again. This will not be a good day.

After several hours and a good fight the family ask us to stop. They don't want to see their mother suffer anymore. So we follow through with their wishes.

All IVs are stopped and the ventilator removed, it should be soon now.

But nearly 45 mins later I am still at her side. Her heart is still fighting. I did not know her but I know she is a fighter! Her son tells me "She is a tough ole bird!"

Finally she gives up and their is a peace in the room.

From what he tells me she has fought a long hard battle over the last several months. Now her battle is over. She has fought a good fight and she has stayed the course! I pray that she is at peace now with our Heavenly Father.

Death is in the Air!

Its Snowing...

Well, today it is snowing in Alabama...

You know what that means, we got a light dusting and ALL the schools and roads are closed. ALL the milk and bread from the store shelves have been wiped clean. People are freaking out and the state has been placed in a state of emergency!!

Really folks, it is a light dusting of snow so far. Get real folks, suck it up, drive slow and get your butts to work and school. Geesh!!!

On another note, I still have yet to see my grandkids. I asked Tyler the other night at supper if Heather was ever going to let us see them again and he said "I don't know, I haven't talked to her."

So who knows, nobody cares but us, Heather is punishing us and the boys because she is mad at us. What a sorry excuse!! The Christmas tree is still us and they still have presents under them, but Heather has not allowed the boys to have them.

I pray every night for a resolution. I pray every night that God let Jayson and William know that we love them very much. I have cried so much, I don't think I have any tears left. This struggle is so hard! Why would anyone punish two little boys like this just to get back at someone that you are mad at.

Jayson and William, I love you so much and I miss you like crazy.

Love,
Poppa

My family...

I wake up at 4am, not for you, but for them.
My brothers and sisters on the front line,
From EMS, FD, PD and ED alike.
Hand and hand we walk, as we fight through the night.

Side by side we work, to save your life.
We may laugh, we may joke, but just to deal with the strife.
Stress and pressure we place on ourselves,
To save a stranger from the evils of death.

When we cry, we cry alone,
When we laugh we laugh aloud.
The demons that haunt us, will never be silent,
But to fight them off, we stand proud.

We are a family, like no one else,
We hold each other up so no one fails.
Bloodshed and tears, will we carry home,
But inside we still feel so alone.

Hero's without a cape, here to the rescue
So safely through the night you can sleep through.
We are your ED nurses
And we are a family!!


My ED is my family, when no one else loved me and my actual family turned against me, they were there by my side. I would stand and fight beside them and give my life for them. They are my family.

Shannon